Liam Payne reveals he had suicidal thoughts after loneliness ‘sent him to a bad place’
Liam Payne has revealed he has battled suicidal thoughts and that he’s ‘lucky to still be here’.
The singer, 26, appeared on Straight Talking with Ant Middleton on Tuesday night, where he opened up about his mental health, fame, his relationship with Cheryl and their two-year-old son Bear, and his time in One Direction.
When asked about his ‘darker’ moments, Liam said: ‘Fame is like having a weird midlife crisis .I am lucky to be here still.’
Liam Payne has revealed he has battled suicidal thoughts and that he’s ‘lucky to still be here’
Asked by Ant, 38, to elaborate, Liam was reluctant at first.
‘I can’t go too deep into it, I haven’t made my peace with it…’ he said.
But eventually, Ant coaxed him into saying more, as they chatted in the middle of the Southern African game country.
‘There’s times where that level of loneliness and people getting into you every day every so often… that’s almost nearly killed me a couple of times.
Candid: The singer, 26, opened up about his mental health, fame and his relationship with Cheryl and their two-year-old son Bear [pictured in February 2018]
Opening up: Liam appeared on Straight Talking with Ant Middleton on Tuesday night
‘I’ve been in a bad place… it’s been on the menu a couple of times in my life. Luckily I had great people around me. When things start to pile up on you it can get you, and you can only control you. You have to get on with it
‘You think there’ll be another hurdle in a couple of months, you just need to get on with it. It’s always turned out alright, even in the darkest situations.’
Ant – who stars on SAS: Who Dares Wins, and is an expert in interrogation – pressed Liam on his highly-publicised relationship with pop star Cheryl – which ended last year.
Liam seemed much happier talking about this chapter of his life, saying: ‘It’s not the most normal situation. My life is abnormal, so what is normal? We genuinely get on, there are so many parallels we share in life.’
He went on: ‘I hope she’s happy, she deserves it, she’s a great mum, she works hard, she deserves to find happiness. I have thought long and hard about [her moving on with someone else]. We will find our own peace with it, for now, it’s good. I go over, do whatever, watch TV, it’s good, it’s nice.’
Ant asked Liam how he got together with the Love Made Me Do It songstress, who is a decade older than him and was a judge on The X Factor when he was a teen constant.
‘I went to Simon’s house, and made a joke about how hot Cheryl was,’ Liam recalled. ‘Simon was like, “I know who’s going to be the next Mrs Payne!”
‘Then I was in a bar and Niall [Horan] came in and told me that Cheryl liked me. I was like “Cheryl? Cheryl?” Niall was in Simon’s dressing room, Simon said my name, she went red and left. So I hit her up.’
Liam told Ant that he and Cheryl then ‘hung out a bunch of times’ and that he feels he ‘won X Factor more than anyone’.
Asked if they’ll ever get back together, Liam joked: ‘If she plays her cards right – I’m going to get a slap!’
He went on to explain why they split.
‘Both of us struggled under the pressure – working away a lot, a lot of noise being shouted at us about it, having a child in the mix, we grew apart,’ he explained. ‘I was worried I would not be enough to look after the both of them.
‘As much as we’re not together, she is one of the most important people – if not the most important person – in my life. Even though we’re not together, Cheryl is always there for me, she understands what I’m going through.
‘The one thing I was always missing as a man in the relationship was a level of understanding of the way she might be feeling about certain stuff. I learnt that, although I wanted to protect her, there was a big side of her that wanted to protect me.’
Of their son, Bear, Liam said: ‘I get lonely if I can’t see Bear for a few days. It seems to the outside world that I have everything but there are so many parts missing. Uncertainty is a big thing in my life, I don’t know how long it will last.
‘Also, my home life situation is problematic and difficult. Distance is difficult. And there are 50 million rumours a week which are hard to ignore. Trust is difficult.
‘Being away from your child out of choice and no choice is difficult to barter with in your head. You know why you’re doing what you’re doing but you wonder what you’re missing out on. Have you got it right?
‘So many people get to the end of their life and go: “I wish I’d done this and that.” I don’t want to be one of those people.’
Liam admitted that he has to be private with Bear – and that this comes at a cost.
‘It’s a risk for anyone to see what he looks like. I haven’t even seen my kid go down a slide yet!’